Signs you were never in love!
Well, it has finally happened! You have found the person of your dreams and are now hopelessly in love. But, before you even realize it, you and the ‘love of your life are over and broken up! The above situation has happened to almost each of us. Do you often think what could be the possible signs that you were never in love?
One minute we think we are deeply in love, and the next minute we are left wondering whether it was loved. Telling the difference between true love, infatuation, and lust are quite difficult. After all, when we are happy and having fun with someone, very many things give us a feeling of euphoria. This euphoric feeling can be easily confused with love. Most of the time we end up realizing that it didn’t love long after we’ve broken up with our partner.
So, how can you tell whether yours was real love? And, if you are currently in a relationship, is there any way to tell whether you actually love your partner, or just really like them? This article outlines 7 signs that show whether what you feel for your partner is the special four-letter word or not. Read on to find out where your feelings lie!
1. You Fell In Love Too Fast
Just like the statement implies, falling in love happens within a truly short time, as if falling into a hole that you didn’t see. It is usually triggered by what a person sees, their physical and outward appearance. As Elizabeth Gilbert puts it, “being in love is not the same as love; it’s more like the dodgy second cousin of love who always borrows money and can’t keep a job.”
On the other hand, true love thrives and blooms over time. Unlike infatuation and lust, love is based on more than just the other person’s attractive physical look. So, one way of telling that you were never in love is by considering how fast the relationship is going. If you are moving too fast with your partner, that is one of the biggest red signs that you are not really in love with your partner.
True love takes time to develop. You need to invest time, effort, and romance in your relationship. Simply being in love doesn’t mean that you are in love; this is usually a sign of lust. And, unlike true love which remains forever, the feeling of lust usually goes away after a couple of days, weeks, or months.
So, if you don’t know your partner well, do not quickly jump into a relationship. By starting a relationship too fast, you will be entering into a relationship with, not someone you love, but a fantastic person. You will lust after this person for a while, daydream about your future with him, but after a few weeks, your high hopes and expectations will evaporate like water on a hot day.
2. You Expect Your Partner To Be Flawless
The higher your expectations are, the more likely you will be disappointed. Ask yourself, ‘Am I always fantasizing about my partner’s good side and positives?’ When you set your expectations too high, you are only working to increase the problems between you two. Your partner is not perfect, and they will not meet all your expectations.
If you tend to get angry and disappointed each time your partner makes a mistake, then you were never in love. Also, when true love is missing, you ignore each other’s feelings and don’t talk out your problems. Lack of deep communication in a relationship is one of the key signs that you are not really in love, but only infatuated with each other.
Susan Winter, a relationship expert, and bestselling author says, “being in love is an illusion. Love can survive reality.” Therefore, if all you think about is how your partner is making money, sex, or just being part of his complicated life, then yours is not love. True love doesn’t hold onto a person’s image. Rather, it holds onto the person’s inner self, including their flaws and negative qualities.
If what you feel is love, then you won’t expect your partner to be perfect. Even when you see your partner in their worst state, you will still be drawn to them. True love involves loving a person for what they are, even their flaws, and not what they have or look like.
3. You Are Not Comfortable With Your Partner
When you are truly in love, you will always want to be with your partner every single minute. Healthy and happy relationships are characterized by individuals who enjoy communicating with each other on a regular basis.
However, if you feel that you need more space and time for yourself, away from your partner, are you really in love? Of course not. So, watch out for such signs in your relationship. You can easily tell that your partner wants time away from you if they don’t regularly text or call you. Regular texts and calls from a partner usually mean that they are worried about you and want to know how you are doing. Hence, not calling or texting each other can be one of the signs that you weren’t really in love, to begin with.
Gayle Johns-Carter, Professional Certified Coach says, “if you stop laughing and no longer enjoy being around that person, this should raise a red flag.” If you have begun to feel disconnected and distant from your partner, then this means that you never really loved him.
Also, if you no longer enjoy your partner’s company and are constantly making up excuses not to meet them, it shows you were not in love. Unlike infatuation, true love grows with passing time. Therefore, unless yours wasn’t true love, you should always feel comfortable with your partner, always wanting to spend more time with them.
4. The Distance Between You Two Is Increasing
When a relationship is new, both partners take their time to dress nicely and improve their appearance, to impress the other person. If the relationship is true, this will continue even after you have been together for a while. You will still make an effort to adorn yourself, go out for dates and make romantic appointments.
On the other hand, if you have begun feeling lazy about making such plans with your partner, then this is a sign that you were never in love. You no longer consider the time you spend together as being special and don’t even dress up for dates. This is one of the clear signs that you were not in love, as true lovers never let the distance between them increase.
It is true that, sometimes, even true lovers can drift apart. This especially happens when family responsibilities increase, and the couple gets caught up in their busy work schedules. Even so, people who have a true love for each other will always make an effort to close the distance between them through regular communication and spending time together. So, if you and your partner feel lazy about communicating and spending time together, then it is a sign that you were never in love.
5. You Rarely Think About Your Partner
When is the last you send a text to your partner, telling them that you miss them? Or when did you last send an I’m-thinking-about-you gift to them? When you genuinely love someone, you will focus on them and always worry about them. This does not necessarily mean that you put a tracker on their phone or car. Rather, it implies that; if you love your partner, you should always be concerned about where they are and if they are safe.
If you rarely care about your partner, then you most probably don’t love him as much as you thought you did. A while back, when your love was still fresh and ‘hot’, it wasn’t hard for you to tell your partner ‘I love you’ and ‘I miss you.’ However, if you realize that you no longer think about your partner, their needs, and happiness, then this can be amongst the signs that you were never in love.
Just as Stephen J. Betchen, the author of ‘Magnetic Partners’ comments, “Partners who are in love tend to maintain a focus on their counterparts.” It always starts with the mind drifting off and thinking about other things other than your partner, and soon your heart follows suit and drifts away.
6. You Have Unending Problems In Your Relationship
All relationships have their good and bad moments, even the healthiest relationships. While there may be good moments, such as memories shared and moments of passion, there will always be bad moments, such as arguments, yelling and disrespect.
As for those couples who are truly in love, they are realistic about problems in relationships. Brené Brown, PhD, a research professor at the University of Houston, observed that “those who have a strong sense of love and belonging are more open to vulnerability.” Partners who love each other never let these problems define them. Rather, their good memories usually surpass any problems that they have.
On the other hand, if the problems in your relationship surpass the good moments, both of you cannot be described as truly in love. The fact that the bad memories outweigh the good ones is a clear indication that your relationship has not worked out so far. If you dig deeper, you will realize that you were only an obligation to your partner, and there was no real love between you two.
7. You Are Not Interested In Your Partner’s Family or Friends
This is the biggest sign of a relationship that is doomed to fail. If you are not thinking of settling down and building a future with your partner, then you are not in love with them at all. When a person is truly in love, he or she will always look forward to establishing a new future with their partner. And the first step to building a future together is meeting your partner’s family and friends.
So, if you are reluctant about meeting your partner’s friends and family, then you need to think twice about your relationship. When one is truly in love, they are naturally inclined to connect with their partner’s loved ones. On the other hand, when one is not in love, they don’t feel pressured to meet and connect with their partner’s friends and family.
Therefore, if you want to know if you are truly in love, take note of how you react when your partner starts talking about their parents or friends. If you will have the desire to meet them, then yours is no doubt, true love. However, if the desire won’t be there, this is a red flag to your relationship is one of the clear signs that you were never in love.
Finding a soul mate is not as easy, but when you finally do, it is the best feeling in the world. So, if you realize that you were never really in love, don’t waste any more time in your current relationship. Breaking up with your partner won’t be that easy. But holding onto a relationship that is already failed is even more pitiable.
Both you and your partner deserve someone with whom you will share true love. Therefore, let go of your current relationship and go find one that is right for you. And, before you get swept off your feet by your next partner, ensure that you check all the 7 points above.
Now that you know the 7 Signs You Were Never In Love, where do you think your relationship stands? Leave your comments below.