Questions to ask your spouse
Love is the strongest force the world possesses and yet it’s the humblest imagination. Which begs the question: Do you know everything about your better half?
Marriage is the most critical decision you can ever make. You should not rush into it no matter what amounts of pressure you may be receiving from the people around you. It is crazy how you would think you know everything, but you have just had a sneak peek of the actual thing.
I have to say: It is paramount that you ask questions before you get married. Before you say “I do” in front of your entire family and friends, get the facts right. Even the army people must assess their opponents before heading to the battlefield.
“Where there is Love, there is Life”
Why would you ask your spouse questions?
Questions are usually an avenue to help you know things better about your spouse. You may not know everything, but you end up having a rough idea of many of the issues that you would have otherwise overlooked.
It also helps you be more open and willing to have more than one way of handling a situation without being biased. You end up gaining so much wisdom, which goes a long way in helping you go through your marriage peacefully, cordially, and most importantly, honestly.
“Marriage is another momentous life change. Choose right, and it might be the most positive decision you ever make.“
The questions to ask before getting married
Many relationship experts have had their say on this topic. The questions I have listed are just but guidelines. I know that it is more personal than theoretical. Anything along those lines will help you take your bearings when it comes to what exactly you should know.
1. What is your basic idea of marriage?
Before you even get into so many details about marriage, what do you understand about it? Does it make sense, or is it just hearsay?
I came to realize that many go into marriage with just an idea of what it is. Sadly, most of these ideas are from what people have told them, and it is not even people they can trust or are accountable to. It is the worst thing you can ever put yourself.
If this is the case, please, for your case, don’t even continue asking any more questions. However, if the response is favourable, please proceed.
2. Why do you think you are ready to marry me?
Many people have reasons as to why they would think of getting married. But then, will the grounds that your partner gives you resonate with you or just the public?
Can they tell you why it is you they are willing to say I do, or is it just that because you were available?
If you get married without knowing the real answer behind this one, your spouse may end up replacing you quickly. My friend, you won’t enjoy being the ‘moon and the stars’ of your partner.
3. Are you sure this is the right time to ask for my hand?
Timing is a concern when it comes to tying the knot and asking your hand in marriage. Though, peer pressure is usually a substantial contributing factor when it comes to marriage. The sad part about the pressure, it drives you into unwanted marriage or, worse still, getting a divorce if you succumb to this disease.
Is your partner psychologically and mentally ready to be your wife or husband and soon, a parent to some human beings? If they can confidently tell you ‘Yes,’ then OK, you people are on the right track.
4. What is your take on kids?
Kids are a huge topic when it comes to long-term companionship. Many marriages break because they were not willing to come to a definite conclusion when it comes to the kids’ topic. It is one of the touchiest subjects and scariest for most people.
You should know that it is OK not to have children or to have a whole football team in the house. It is also OK to be willing to adopt some. But the question is, do both of you agree on it? If placed in a position where you must defend the other, will your argument be the same?
5. How long should we wait before we have kids?
You have talked about children. You have both agreed that, yes, you want children in your marriage, but have you agreed on at what point this plan would materialize?
Should it be after the wedding, a few years after the wedding, or after some other reason? Many couples do not understand that in this time and age, the pressure is heavy, and if not handled well, it will break you.
So, if you have not agreed early enough, you will have some of the biggest arguments between the two of you and even from your family members.
6. Where should we stay after marriage?
Which location is suitable for you to settle in after the knot is tied? Most people find their lifelong partners after they have moved out of their parents’ or guardians’ house and – in most cases – are already living in a fully furnished home.
The question comes, will we move into one of the houses, or get a new home and move? If you decide to get a new home, will you proceed with all your things or sell them and buy new ones?
There are so many theories today when it comes to this topic. That is the reason why this is one of the big questions to ask before you actually get married.
7. Would religious differences be a problem?
In case you don’t have the same religious background, how do you plan on handling it? Would you consider, basing on one of them, or outright not be religious? With our society today, religion is a big topic that either links you with your people or separates you.
This helps you know how you will raise your family and, most importantly, your children. It will also create great disciplinary grounds for how your children will grow up and the values they will invest in as they grow.
8. Do I understand your love language well enough?
Love languages are the keys to a prosperous marriage. I have come to realize that not many people know anything about love languages. In his book ‘The 5 Love Languages’, I love how Dr Gary Chapman puts it: “It is all about how well you communicate your love to your spouse.”
So, according to you and your partner, can you confidently say that they can love you, right? The way you want to be loved. The way you deserve to be loved with no impartiality of any sort.
9. How understanding is your partner or you if attitude shifts?
As humans, we all go through attitude shifts or “mood swings.” You have known this person for a while, I assume. You know what triggers them and what does not.
“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”
You should also be aware of how to handle them when such happens. Are you sure you will not get tired of cooling him or her down every time they boil up? Or pulling them out of that gutter every time they wrap themselves in thoughts?
10. Will we both be working or only one of us?
Your career is important whether you are tying a knot or not. The society today is not like the one in the past. We must work to make it through the economic times, but are both of you OK working? This would mean that you would have to pay for help in the house.
If you decide not to work, are you OK with depending on someone for literally everything in your life? I feel I should say it is not a sin but are you psychologically OK with being fully taken care of?
Can you also handle the risk of things not going very well, if it is one source of income? Would you have any other avenues? These are all very sensible things that you should be sure about before you sit down and agree to marry this person.
11. How should we handle the extended family members?
Family members can be exhausting and demoralizing. Therefore, are you entirely prepared to handle such people? It is even worse if you are finally able compared to them or if either of you is the firstborn in the family.
I think you should have certain limits that bar them from aimlessly involving themselves in your lives the way they feel like. You should, however, do this with wisdom. I am not saying you cut them off, but you have agreed to boundaries that cut both sides.
12. Would you ever consider having pets?
Pet adoption is a topic that usually comes up, more so when you start having kids. Are you OK with having an animal running around in the house? Can you handle another living being under your care?
13. Is divorce something that you would consider?
Divorce has become a common thing in marriages today. God forbid, but if your marriage does not work out in the long run, would you consider divorce? And if so, how will you handle it? What parties would you make sure are present? And why would you be willing even to have a divorce in the first place?
I understand it happens to be one of the most challenging times, especially if there are children involved, but are the two of you mature enough to accept and handle it like adults?
14. What do you fear about marriage?
Fear is the driving force of many people. What does your partner fear most about getting married?
This does not refute the fact that they could be ready and very willing, but with what they tell you, can you cover it and be prepared to handle your union knowing this, or will it just be a problem?
15. Are there limits that we should have concerning our friends?
Friends are important but sometimes they are a driving force towards a divorce. Limits are what many couples fight over and eventually create a very hostile environment in their own homes. Does your partner realize that there are people they will have to reconsider after marriage?
You know how the bible says that ‘man shall leave his mother’s house and join with the woman, and together they become one.’ Does this principle register well with your partner? You will not be barred from being with your friends. You should, however, understand that most of the time, you will be needed at home.
16. Would long distance be something they would consider if it came up?
A long-distance relationship is another issue that kills homes and marriages. Not seeing your partner for days is a problem; how do you think years will make you feel?
They often don’t intend to, but what should the two of you do in case it happens? How comfortable will you be with the decision your partner makes?
To many, it falls under those ‘we will cross that bridge when we get there,’ but do you realize it is easier to handle it if you had prepared for it?
17. Are you sure you want to have me in your life forever till death do us part?
Till death do us part is what the vows you exchange state. But is it something you would want for the rest of your life? I know this term is not something many people use, but it usually happens hypothetically.
Once you say, “I do,” you are stuck with this person.
You wake up every morning with that one face and face every single day with that same face. This begs the question, can you handle being with that one person the whole time?
Are you willing to love and un-love me (which always happens) without feeling like you are suffocating in any way? Can you still say yes, even with a gun to your head? If yes, then you are safe. If they are still reconsidering, give yourself time. Don’t rush it.
Questions that people usually ask before they get married are not aimed at breaking your relationship or causing you to have issues in your marriage. On the contrary, it is one of the things that help you gauge your readiness for it.
Love is never something that should be rushed. It needs to be carefully matured. You should remember that what you take time to understand, love naturally always blooms into something that brings so much pride to you.
Marriage is all about the other partner and not you. This is something I got to understand over some time and has made my relationship successful. Let’s make marriage a safe haven and inspire generations!
If you have other tips on how your marriage works let us know by leaving a comment below.