If you are currently in a monogamous relationship, how can you make yours a unique and successful relationship? Here at Trusty, you can get all the advice you need on How to Have a Successful Monogamous Relationship.
In our modern world, being in a monogamous relationship is something that most people don’t buy. Those who are in such kind of relationships are mostly frowned upon or looked down on with contempt.
However, the fact is that monogamous relationships make some of the most memorable and successful relationships in the world. If you set your heart into it and put in some extra effort, you can also make yours a successful monogamous relationship.
The following are seven practical suggestions that can help you make your monogamous relationship a success:
Table of Contents
1.) Choose and Accept the Relationship
2.) Choose Your Partner Wisely
3.) Lower Your Expectations
4.) Make Open and Honest Communication a Habit
5.) Give Each Other Some Space
6.) Define Your Relationship
7.) Be Yourself
1. Choose and Accept the Relationship
The very first step to having a successful monogamous relationship is choosing and accepting it. Yes, you heard it right! Don’t just choose the monogamous relationship; accept it.
You have to accept full responsibility for the relationship. If even when other people force you to be in such a relationship, remember that you can’t be monogamous for the sake of others. You can’t do it for your parents, nor your friends, nor even your partner.
Well, there might indeed be some factors motivating you to pursue a monogamous relationship. It could be for religious reasons, cultural reasons, a high value placed on loyalty, among many other personal reasons.
But one fact remains constant: whatever your reason for pursuing a monogamous relationship, you need to choose it from the heart and accept full responsibility. Don’t allow people to force you into a monogamous relationship. Choose it because you want it!
2. Choose Your Partner Wisely
If you are to ensure a successful monogamous relationship, you need to choose your partner wisely. Remember that you will stay with your partner, not for one month or a couple of years, but the rest of your life.
Therefore, when choosing your monogamous partner, don’t just follow your heart. Use your mind as well. Don’t just go with any person who makes you feel happy. After all, monogamy is a long-term commitment; hence, it requires genuinely compatible people.
Kelly Campbell, PhD, associate professor of human development and psychology at California State University, San Bernardino, comments that “For long-lasting love, the more similarity (e.g., age, hobbies, values, education, and personality), the better. Partners should be especially sure that their values match before getting into marriage.”
If you and your partner are to stay in a monogamous relationship for long, you both have to be compatible. Go for a partner who shares your sense of humour, inspires you, and shares your adventures. Find that person with whom you will want to leave a party together.
When you choose your partner wisely, you won’t find yourself comparing them with others. Such comparisons are what lead to the breakage of many monogamous relationships. Therefore, go for that partner that won’t make you wish you had gone for someone else.
3. Lower Your Expectations
Before joining a new relationship, there is what we expect our partner will meet. When these expectations are not realized in the relationship, we get discouraged and might even begin losing interest in our partner.
Unfulfilled expectations are even worse in monogamous relationships. Since being in this relationship means that you stick to one partner, you expect them to be your confidant, best friend, caretaker, lover, and many other things all at once.
However, one partner can’t become all that you wish. Therefore, one crucial step to having a successful monogamous relationship is realizing this fact. Yes, realize and accept that your partner cannot become a lover, caretaker, and all those things at once.
Matt Lundquist, the main founder of Tribeca Therapy, says that “‘You are my everything’ is a lousy pop song lyric and an even worse relationship plan. No one can be ‘everything’ to anyone. Create relationships outside the Relationship, or the Relationship isn’t going to work anymore.”
Instead, find other people, a support system, who can meet some of your needs. Don’t burden your spouse with all the weight; let him or her meet just a few things and make your support system meet your other needs.
When you lower your expectations, you will be providing more room for your partner to meet your needs in a much better way. And the more you meet each other’s needs, the closer you will draw to each other.
4. Make Open and Honest Communication a Habit
One of the worst mistakes that most people in monogamous relationships make is not speaking up their minds. These expect their partners to read their minds and understand what they are going through without saying anything.
However, remaining silent and not voicing our concerns is one of the most disastrous things in a relationship, especially a monogamous one. If you are to make yours a successful relationship, it is high time you learn how to speak up your mind.
Marthe Schneider, the co-developer and co-founder of Authentic Tantra, says, “Not asking for what you want in a relationship can make you have much less pleasure and joy, and eventually stop thriving in that relationship.”
The lesser the pleasure and joy you derive from the relationship, the more resentful you will become towards your mate. In turn, the resentment will only work to disconnect you further from your spouse.
Therefore, make open and honest communication a habit in your monogamous relationship.
Do you not feel like attending your partner’s family party? Let them know.
Do you feel like your partner doesn’t cheer you enough each time you are at your 10K run? Let them know.
When you make such honest communication a regular thing in your relationship, you will make yours a successful monogamous relationship.
5. Give Each Other Some Space
Even though both of you are in a relationship, you must realize that you are your own individual. Therefore, you need to allow each other some space from time to time.
Allowing each other space means more than just telling your spouse that he can have some free time alone. It would be best if you put your words into action. For instance – as the wife – plan to go out with your girlfriends and let your man enjoy his time alone or with his preferred company.
When you allow each other some space, the desire and attraction between both of you will grow. And as Esther Perel, the author of the book ‘Mating in Captivity,’ says, “Fire needs air. Desire is like fire. For it to stay lit, it needs some air, some space.”
Simply put, the more you allow your partner to be independent, the more the desire and attraction you will have between both of you. You will never grow tired of each other, and hence you will make your monogamous relationship a long-lasting one.
6. Define Your Relationship
To ensure that you have a successful monogamous relationship, you also need to define it. But what does defining your relationship mean? In simple terms, defining a relationship involves setting boundaries and making agreements about how the relationship will be.
Boundaries and agreements are essential in monogamous relationships. Most couples tend to assume that they are on the same page when it comes to their relationship. Such ignorant attitudes usually lead to arguments and disagreements in the relationship.
Therefore, when entering into a monogamous relationship, don’t just ask whether yours will be a monogamous or a polygamous relationship. Instead, first, dig deeper and get all the information. For instance, ask yourselves, “What do we both understand by being in a monogamous relationship?”
Some people in a monogamous relationship even consider being attracted to another person as cheating. Therefore, you need to know where both you and your partner stand when defining your relationship. Only with such a clear understanding will you be able to prevent any misunderstandings that could cause unhappiness in your relationship.
7. Be Yourself
When you agree to enter a monogamous relationship, you say ‘yes’ to a long-term commitment. Therefore, if you pretend to be something that you are not or try to shape yourself into the kind of person your spouse wants, your relationship will not last long.
Instead, learn to be yourself. Indeed, during the dating period, both you and your partner-to-be may try out new things together. However, going to the movies a couple of times is one thing, and pretending that you’ll be okay doing this every Saturday night is another thing.
The point is: when your partner introduces you to his or her new world, you need to be yourself. Don’t pretend to like things just because your partner does. Also, don’t force yourself into doing things that you are not interested in just to impress your spouse.
When you dismiss what you want and start pretending to like what your partner likes, you will only be dooming your relationship. Therefore, be yourself. Let your partner know what you genuinely like.
After all, your partner should commit to you, not because of what you like or what you do, but rather because of who you are. So, don’t be afraid of showing your partner the real you. He or she should fall in love with the real you, and only then will you have a successful, long-lasting relationship.
Unlike what most TV shows and soap operas promote, long-term relationships can be fascinating and successful. So, if you are already in a monogamous relationship, or are thinking of joining one, then go for it!
With a little effort and diligence, both you and your partner can make your monogamous relationship work. What you need to do is choose the relationship and accept it from your heart. Then, when looking for your partner, go for that person with whom you are most compatible.
Also, lower your partner’s expectations, remembering that they can’t be everything you wish they were. Make honest communication a habit and regularly allow your partner some free time. Finally, don’t forget the importance of being yourself in a monogamous relationship.
Has any of the above seven tips on How to Have a Successful Monogamous Relationship worked out for you? Which ones did you find most useful? Let me know in your comments below.