Thinking about how to get your ex-boyfriend back? Read on
You miss all the fun times you had. You remember everything you did together as if it was just yesterday. And now that you have broken up, you feel this great emptiness in your heart. It is as if a big gaping hole has been created in your life, and only one thing can fill it up: you are getting back with your ex.
Whether it was your boyfriend who dumped you or you who did the dumping, missing him is not a sin. After all, every relationship involves feelings of love and romance. And breaking up does not immediately eliminate all these deep-seated emotions and feelings.
Therefore, if you just broke up with your boyfriend, you have two options. One, you can decide to leave everything as it is, and mope around wondering how things could have turned out. Or, you could decide to put in that extra effort and try to win your ex-partner back.
Obviously, the second option is the wisest and most reasonable choice. However, before you get your former lover back, you need to first understand how men think. Also, truly examine your relationship and see whether you two are truly better off back together.
If, after a thorough and honest examination, you come to the conclusion that you and your ex are better off back together, you can then start putting in the effort to win him back. But how can you ensure that you win him back without stooping low or embarrassing yourself in the process?
The following are 7 Simple Tips to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back:
1. Think Clearly
The very first thing you should do before you get your former love back is to think clearly. Think about the relationship you had before you broke up. What led to the breakup? Is it something that can be resolved?
It is very important that you carefully analyze your reasons for wanting to get back with your ex. Don’t let your feelings get the better of you. In other words, think with your head, not with your heart. After all, letting your feelings be in control could lead to your making the wrong decision on whether you should get back with your ex-partner.
Cortney Warren, a psychologist with a PhD, says, “There is a reason that the relationship didn’t work out the last time you dated—maybe many reasons. Whatever they were contributed to your previous break-up. So, if it’s going to work this time, one or both of you must have evolved.”
Therefore, another thing you should think about is how both of you have changed. For the breakup to occur, something must have changed in the relationship. Only by clearly analyzing what things have changed can you be able to successfully get back with your ex and build a stronger relationship.
2. Focus on the Present
Even in the best-case scenario of getting back together, you have to realize that your relationship can never be the same as it was. While that doesn’t mean it will be better or worse, you can expect that the relationship will be different.
Therefore, don’t focus too much on the past and how your relationship was before the breakup. Nobody has a functioning time machine. So, the only thing you can do is make the present as good as it can be. Only by focusing on the present can you increase your chances of a happier future together.
Also, think about it this way: if things were really that great before, you wouldn’t have broken up. And since it didn’t work out before, the only way you can make it work now is by focusing on the present.
So, think about how you will approach your former lover. If yours was a long-term relationship, be upfront and let your ex know that you miss them and hope to meet with them. On the other hand, if it was a fizzled-out date or a shorter relationship, keep it simple and tell your ex-partner that you want to hang out together.
In other words, do what feels right for the relationship. Don’t let the past hold you back from getting back with your ex. Focus on the present, start afresh and work at making your renewed relationship work.
3. Don’t be a Pest
This tip isn’t all that easy, either, but it’s important. Generally, past lovers don’t like to be obsessed. You may miss him dearly, and want to see his face or hear his voice, but resist that temptation.
The trick to winning back your ex is to give him the space and time he needs. Allow him some time to miss you and start thinking about you in a positive way again. If you pester him too much, you will most likely push him away … forever.
Mariana Bockarova, a relationship psychology teacher at the University of Toronto, comments that “Of course, if you’re trying to get back together, you eventually will want to reach out—but there’s no concrete set of time to wait.”
Therefore, when reaching out to your ex-boyfriend, resist the temptation to be a pest. As a rule of thumb, only break the silence between you and your ex when you feel surer about getting back together.
4. Become Desirable
However detestable this tip may sound; it is very efficient in helping you get your former partner back. Let’s face it, men are fairly simple structures. The first thing that any man will notice when they look at you is your physique. And ‘any man’ includes your ex-boyfriend.
Therefore, if you want your ex to become attracted to you once again, it is high time you started paying closer attention to how you look. Well, this doesn’t mean that your qualities and good personality don’t matter. However, it goes without saying that a better and more glamorous look makes a much better first impression.
Hence, get a new look. Do your nails. Got to that hairstylist and get a better hairstyle. You don’t have to make significant changes to your body. Those simple, yet beautiful changes can even make him turn his head again.
Also, looking at your best is a great way to boost your self-confidence, and that’s more appealing than just about anything else. Don’t think of it as being superficial, but rather as changing your outward appearance to change your concept of self.
5. Slow Down
The first four tips we covered will put the odds in your favour of getting your ex-lover back. You may be so thrilled at this prospect that you start gushing about how great things will be, how much you have changed, how you’re willing to do whatever it takes, calling all your girlfriends to let them know, and … STOP! Slow down!
Of course, getting your first love back is the best thing that could ever happen to you. However, you should not let the idea of getting back with him make you too emotionally driven. As mentioned above, you need to let your head, not your heart, lead you.
Yes, the temptations will be there. You will be tempted to let him know how you can’t stop thinking about him. You will be tempted to text him every hour. You will be tempted to tell him how you can’t live without him and that life has no meaning whatsoever without him.
However, before you give in to these temptations, remember that none of these will get your ex-boyfriend back. Therefore, drop the drama and slow down. Let your ex see the strong and independent person that you are.
Show him that you can live a perfectly good and happy life without him. When you show that positive side of yourself, your past lover will be drawn closer to you. In turn, you will increase your chances of getting back with him.
There is nothing to love about breakups. They not only cause great emotional and psychological stress but can also get violent and nasty at times. Due to all the emotional toil that breakups cause, you may be tempted to vent your pain to your best friends. And well, we can all agree that breakup discussions with our friends are never that positive.
However, if your ex-partner is someone you would like to get back with, you need to resist the urge to bad-mouth him to your friends. Plus, it is never good practice to talk about personal, negative things about your ex.
Mariana Bockarova, a relationship psychology teacher at the University of Toronto, says, “Put yourself in your ex’s shoes. Would you appreciate it if someone you cared about spoke badly about you to all of your friends, [sent you] an avalanche of angry messages, or revealed secrets you had told them in a vulnerable state?”
Badmouthing your ex-boyfriend will not make you feel better; it will only worsen matters and close the doors to ever getting back with him.
7. Be Willing to Talk and Address your Issues
Since you wish to get back with your ex, you may be tempted to flatter and warm them up. You might try to avoid any negative conversations, in fear that by so doing you will be pushing him away.
However, unless your former lover is totally oblivious, he already knows what’s up. Therefore, before you can get back together, you need to be willing to address the elephant in the room first.
Rachel A. Sussman, a certified relationship expert, says, “In order to work out the issues that caused the breakup, you need to agree on what those problems were in the first place. Failure to do so will bring the reunion honeymoon period to a screeching halt in a week, a month, or two months.”
Indeed, talking and addressing your issues before getting back together with your ex is a wise strategy. It will not only help you sort out your issues but will also minimize the chances of you going through another breakup with your ex.
So, things didn’t work out well in your relationship and you broke up. But after careful thought and consideration, you realized that he still is the one for you. And now you want to get him back. How do you go about that?
Well, first, think clearly. Meditate about everything that happened and consider if it really is worth getting back together. Stop lingering on the past and start focusing on the present. Also, work on yourself and make yourself a more desirable person, both inside and outside.
Then, when the time comes to approach your former partner, slow down. Don’t be a pest. Allow him the space he needs and resist the temptation to bad-mouth him to your friends. Finally, when you meet up, don’t hold back from talking about the elephant in the room.
As simple as they may seem, the above 7 Tips to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back can help you work things out. However, don’t force things. Let them take their natural course by taking it easy. After all, you don’t want to lose him now that you just got him back.
What other tips do you think can help one get back with their ex? Let me know in your comments below.
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