Relationships

How to get over a broken heart when you still love him

If you have just gotten out of a relationship that didn’t work, you may be wondering how to get over a broken heart. No doubt, the decision you made to quit the relationship was wise. After all, no one wants to be in a toxic relationship that takes its toll on you.

However, getting over a broken heart can be very hard, especially when you still love him. The Trusty blog can help you learn How to Get Over a Broken Heart When You Still Love Him. Read on to find out just why breaking up is hard and how you can get over a heartbreak quickly.

7 Tips To Get Over a Broken Heart

1. Remind Yourself the Reasons Why You Broke Up

2. Find a Support System

3. Don’t Start Going Out Immediately

4. Find a New Hobby

5. Follow the No-Contact Rule

6. Love Yourself

7. Be Patient with Yourself

Why Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

One minute you are enjoying each other’s company; the next minute you can’t stand each other. One minute you are planning your marriage and the number of kids you’ll have; the next minute, you are blocking each other’s contact numbers.

Few things can hurt you like the break-up of a romantic relationship. The break-up is even worse when the relationship has been going on for a longer time. In the book ‘Young Person’s Guide to Love,’ Morton Hunt says that “…as for the people who didn’t want the break-up at all, most of them feel torn apart, crushed, wildly angry.”

Consider it this way: Love is like the rush caused by a powerful drug. When a person stops taking the drug, they experience withdrawal symptoms. Similarly, breaking up can cause you to experience withdrawal symptoms in the form of depression, hurt feelings, and anxiety.

Does this mean that a person cannot recover from a bitter heartbreak caused by a failed romance? Absolutely not! Just like a drug addict can fully recover from their withdrawal symptoms, you can also heal from your hard break-up.

Therefore, regardless of how many years you’ve been in a relationship, you can still get over the heartbreak if you put in the effort. The following are seven tips that can help you get over your heartbreak:

1. Remind Yourself the Reasons Why You Broke Up

Obviously, no break-up happens for no reason. Even if you both loved each other to the moon and back, there must be something that wasn’t right about your relationship, hence triggering your breaking up.

For instance, it could be something that your partner did. Or it could be an aspect of their personality that never stopped bothering you. Reminding yourself of these negative aspects of your partner or relationship can help you get over a broken heart.

April Masini, an etiquette and relationship expert, comments that “When you can articulate the losses, it’s easier to gain a perspective beyond feelings, about what’s happened and why the break-up is in your best interest.”

So, list down why you believe that person wasn’t the best match for you. Remember specific accounts of what they did or said or even didn’t do or say. However, note that this doesn’t mean you hate your ex-partner. Instead, it merely means that you recognize the aspects that did not make them your ideal partner.

2. Find a Support System

A support system refers to a group of friends who can offer you emotional and practical support. When you are going through a breakup process, you must find your support system.

Do you have one or more friends that you fully trust? Call these friends and talk to them about your breakup. Your friends do not only love you but also want to help you out. Therefore, let them know what you’re going through and give them a chance to support you.

Franklin A. Porter, a PhD holder and clinical psychologist, comments that “Most everyone has been on the receiving end of a breakup at one time or another, and commiserating with them, sharing experiences, getting counsel, being reminded you’re not alone, can be highly beneficial.”

So, whenever you’re ready, talk about your break-up with your trusted friends. Let them know how the breakup has affected you and how you want them to help. Doing so will help you get over your break-up much quicker and faster. After all, a problem shared is a problem half-solved.

3. Don’t Start Going Out Immediately

You most probably have heard the saying, ‘if you want to get over a heartbreak quickly, get a rebound hookup.’ However, the fact is that rebounds never help people to move on. These only serve to make you feel lonelier and helpless.

Therefore, after your heartbreak, don’t jump right back into the dating pool. Dating someone new, especially when you are not yet over your ex, won’t make your pain and hurt feelings go away. Instead, give yourself enough time to heal before you can start dating again.

Lee Wilson, a breakup coach and relationship expert, warns that “You are hurting and if you don’t want others to hurt you, don’t hurt others by using them to get over your negative emotions.” Yes, the best way to heal after a break-up is to give yourself some time before dating someone new.

4. Find a New Hobby

There is the famous saying that ‘Time heals all wounds.’ And, time does indeed heal the wounds of a painful heartbreak. However, this doesn’t mean that you sit and do nothing as you wait for time to heal your wounded heart.

If you wish to get over your heartbreak as soon as possible, you need to find something interesting to do in the meantime. Don’t just sit wallowing in your sorrows. Find something to do, something that brings you real joy.

For instance, have you ever wanted to learn salsa or any other type of dance? Then, use this time to take up a dance class. Or do you have a skill that you would like to develop? If so, use this time to develop your skill, even turning it into a hobby.

Yes, find something that interests you and makes you happy, then pursue it with passion. By engaging in such worthwhile activities, you will be keeping yourself busy. You won’t even notice as time does what it’s supposed to do: heal your broken heart.

5. Follow the No-Contact Rule

The No-Contact Rule encourages people to cut off all contact with their ex following a breakup. Cutting off all contact with your partner is one of the best ways you can get over them. It involves avoiding any calling, texting, or any other form of interaction through social media sites.

Well, you might feel that there is nothing wrong with both of you being just friends. Some of your friends might even tell you that being friends with him or her is a sign of maturity. But is that the case? Of course not!

The act of being friends with your ex after a break-up is not a sign of maturity at all. What signifies maturity is your ability to take care of your well-being after a breakup, both emotionally and physically.

Also, remember that when you are undergoing a break-up, you are very vulnerable. Therefore, by maintaining regular communication or company with your ex, you risk getting hurt even more. More so, note that a genuine friendship can never happen between both of you if you are still going through the healing process.

Indeed, cutting off all contact with your partner will not be an easy process. Even so, it would be best if you put in all your effort to cut off all ties with them. Otherwise, you will find yourself starting your painful heartbreak process all over again.

Elle Huerta, the CEO and founder of Mend, says that “When your partner is no longer there, you start to crave those feel-good hormones. If you give in to this feeling and see your ex again, you’ll struggle to move forward and find yourself stuck months and maybe even years later.”

6. Love Yourself

If you are looking to move on from a failed relationship, you need to learn how to love yourself. But, what does loving yourself mean? Simply put, it means trusting that you deserve a better partner and a better relationship.

When you love yourself, you will wish yourself a partner who truly loves you, treats you well, and shares common values with you. Also, cultivating self-love will move you to view yourself positively and do away with all the self-loathing and critical attitude.

More so, you have to start treating yourself better. At times, you may feel like there are things you could have done better during the relationship. At such moments, you need to be kind to yourself and cultivate self-forgiveness. After all, if you don’t love and treat yourself better, then who will?

However hard this may sound, you need to love yourself after a breakup. You can even consider getting the help of a professional, such as a relationship counsellor or a therapist. After a breakup, loving yourself is the ultimate aspect of moving on; hence, it should not be taken lightly.

7. Be Patient with Yourself

Sometimes, even after putting into practice all the above tips on how to get over heartbreak, you may still feel hurt and hopeless. If this is the case, you need to be a little patient with yourself.

Remember that healing a broken heart takes time. Therefore, even after some weeks or months, still experiencing hurt feelings does not necessarily mean that you are a failure or that you will never really get over your breakup. Give yourself time to heal and be patient with yourself.

Also, remember that people are different. While some may take lesser time to heal from heartbreak, others take a longer time. Hence, if you fall under the category of those who take a longer time to heal, you need to learn to be kind and patient with yourself.

Allow yourself to mourn the break-up for as long as you need. As time passes, your wounded heart will begin to feel much better. And, one day, you will wake up, do your daily chores and activities, and go to sleep at night without feeling even an ounce of pain in your heart.

So, while you’re in the process of healing, go easy on yourself. If you beat yourself up over, not healing fast, you will only be hurting yourself more and prolonging the healing process. After all, you wouldn’t want to see your ex moving on while you are still wallowing in sorrow, would you? Therefore, be patient and kind to yourself during the breakup period.

Conclusion

A breakup can be compared to a painful cut. When you get cut, you experience a lot of pain, which may last even for some days. Yet, in time, the cut heals, and you soon forget whether anything happened to your body. Similarly, however difficult the break-up process may feel, you can rest assured that the pain will fade, and you will get over it in time.

So, if you are going through a breakup right now, remind yourself why you broke up. Find a healthy support system, and talk out your feelings with them. Also, cut off all contact with your ex and find a new hobby to pursue in the meantime.

More so, don’t be like most people by jumping right back into the dating pool. Give yourself time before you can start dating again, and instead, focus on loving yourself more. Finally, don’t forget to be kind and patient with yourself, especially when you feel like you are not making any progress.

The above seven tips can indeed help you get over a heartbreak. Are you going through a breakup? What specific steps are you taking to deal with your heartbreak? Let me know in your comments below.