Do you know that most relationships that hit the rocks can be saved? The truth is this; most of the problems couples face in their relationships can be solved with what I’m about to share with you here. When your relationship hits problems, it’s always tempting to take the easy way out by breaking up but it doesn’t have to be that way. We must seek out ways to fix a relationship to overcome the challenges and not resort to breaking up unless all other actions have been exhausted.
It’s important for you to believe in the unique power of your relationship and to know that there are no fairy tale romances. Relationships require hard work to function properly.
If you’re in a relationship that is either weak, broken or on the brink of collapse please believe that it’s most likely that with some constructive changes it could well be saved. If you still believe in your partner despite all of your differences, then please consider using some (or all) of these fourteen keys to save your struggling relationship.
1. Revaluate the reasons you are together
If you want to find ways to fix a relationship, go back to the beginning ask yourself what drew you to this person in the first place? What qualities did they possess that attracted you? What made them so amazing? And are they still? Revaluating the reasons you came together reminds you can strengthen weakening foundations. Ask your partner what they love and don’t love about you. Be open to constructive criticism and both of you could write up lists of your positive qualities and what you still love about each other. Go easy on the criticism, this is a feel-good exercise!
2. Do something special together
Perhaps you two have a favourite restaurant you have visited in ages, or you might pay a visit to the place where you first fell in love – being in a physical space where you have powerful memories of strong attachment can reignite good memories. Turn this event into a first date scenario, try to treat each other with the same level of courtesy, respect and interest as you did when you first met.
Make an effort with how you dress, speak and act. You might also try out something you’ve never done together before. The excitement of something new produces serotonin and dopamine in our brains, and it doesn’t have to be something extraordinary, just new, that you both will enjoy. At times just sitting on a park bench watching the children play as you hold hands could be magical. If love exists, the important thing is that you stop talking about taking that vacation or trying that new spot and follow through on your intention to reconnect together.
3. Improve your communication.
There is a right way and a wrong way to communicate. Most couples communicate the wrong way, snubbing, snapping, or screaming at each other at the slightest opportunity. The right way is learning to ask your partner a relevant question, listening to their response then offering your opinion. Never interrupt them when they are speaking, they are most likely feeling that you haven’t listened to how they are feeling in years, so give them the space to talk and validate how they feel, the most important words you can use are “I understand and I’m sorry.” A genuine apology is an incredible thing, it can clear air after years of tension and emotional stress.
Ask questions that matter to them, remember it’s not all about you. People open up more easily when you inquire about the day, an important project, or their feelings etc. Once you listen to what they have to say, offer your side of the story. Do your best to stay away from heavy or sensitive conversations in stressful times Never overwhelm your partner with your worries as soon as they walk in from a particularly long workday.
Practice effective speech by engaging your loved one in a conversation that interests them, or demonstrate you care by taking over the making of dinner, offering them a foot bath, a neck and shoulder rub or simply have a fire ready and some candles lit, it doesn’t have to be BIG it just has to be a CARING gesture. Don’t expect immediate thanks, they might be so stressed that it’s difficult to want them to express gratitude, just do it because you want to improve the quality of their life in some way. Effective communication is vital in every relationship and one of the major ways to fix a relationship.
4. Cut out external influences
Often it is outside voices that seep into our private relationships and brew toxicity. Understand who is playing less than a positive role in your relationship and commit to keeping that person’s energy out. Your relationship is private as possible don’t freely share personal details. Couples counselling is the place to air your grievances and concerns, a safe and professional space where both your viewpoints will be upheld and where you can both negotiate your needs to a better and higher understanding of each other and the triggers that can cause you both to start fighting.
Could it be a matter of one cheating on the other? Or lying to each other? Or maybe financial pressure? Whatever the reasons for your relationship problems, you both can find a solution with the help of a professional if you are determined.
5. Figure out the reasons for the difficulties you’re both facing
Every difficulty has an underlying reason, and if you really want to get the problem solved, then you need to think deeply, discuss together, and think what could be responsible and find ways to fix a relationship. Could it be a matter of one cheating on the other? Or lying to each other? Or maybe financial pressure? Whatever the reasons for your relationship problems, you both can find a solution to it if you are determined.
6. Spend quality time with each other
When couples stay too long apart from each other, it can cause issues of trust to surface. Knowing too little about each other or not having enough time to get involved in each other’s lives and affairs demonstrate a lack of care and are not good for a relationship. Schedule on a regular date night weekly. This is when you have a date together somewhere nice, or a lovely dinner at home. Watch the conversation here, it shouldn’t be about the everyday business but instead, use the opportunity to make your partner feel good about themselves.
The chronic disease today is “lack of time” and once this spills over and into your relationship where you are both functioning automatically with little or no time to appreciate and celebrate what you love about each other then you are on dangerous ground. Time to retreat and make time for each other.
7. Don’t bring up the past
Do you know that corpses stink, especially when they’ve been dead for a few days? That’s
exactly what happens when you bring up the past mistakes of your partner If your partner had apologized for past wrongdoing and then you bring up the issue again, this shows a complete and utter disregard for their apology on your part. It’s one of the most destructive forces in a relationship. So, let the past stay forgiven, forgotten, and buried forever. When we bring it up to them because we are not happy about something, or we want a fight? Why? Be honest! Don’t dredge up the past in order to make your partner feel bad because you are angry with them about something else entirely.
8. Don’t shout when talking to each other
No matter what your partner does or says wrong, do your best never to respond in anger.
Learn to listen to each other calmly, and don’t always be quick to give a response. Shouting at your partner only makes the situation worse – shouting actually blows up and destroys intimacy! On the other hand, when you handle situations calmly – no matter how ugly it may seem – you are more likely to come up with ways to fix the relationship and problem.
9. Talk about your feelings
When feelings are bottled up for long and are not heard, they can cause one or both partners to become unkind, aggressive and irritable. Always find ways to tell your partner just how you feel, and listen to them too if they want to share their feelings with you. That’s why you are in a relationship – to listen to each other and support each other in every way possible.
10. Learn to forgive each other
Basically, no relationship can survive without both partners’ readiness to forgive each other when they mess up. Learn to forgive each other as it is one of the ways to fix a relationship. There is so much power in forgiveness, it can heal any wound and restore harmony between couples. To forgive your partner is to detach from the bitterness, anger, and animosity holding you back from making progress with your partner. Being stubborn gets your relationship deeper into the mud.
Let go of the negative emotions keeping you from true forgiveness, remind yourself that whatever happened has happened, and now it is time to move forward. There is no reason to drag negative issues into your future, as lingering on hurtful memories only compounds them. However, be mindful that forgiveness is a process and not an event. So, perform daily acts of kindness – no matter how small – that is reflective of your intent to pardon.
11. Come clean about one thing
Most couples hold a few secrets that would deeply hurt their partners if they found out.
While some think this is normal in a relationship, there are many others who think the opposite. Certain things should simply be kept to yourself – maybe when you’re planning a surprise birthday party or a surprise gift for your partner. But honesty and transparency – especially in your relationships with other people – is a miraculous force. When you admit a secret or a mistake to your partner, you’re actually helping them trust you more, and you might end up making them want to open up and admit secrets or mistakes of their own too.
12. Set boundaries with each other
If you set a rule for your partner set a similar one for yourself as well. This means that if your partner promises not to stay out late on a Saturday, you should abide by the same principle. A relationship is a two-way street, tell your partner honestly what you would like them to do or not do and be prepared to accept the boundaries they set for you. Maintain your relationship within good boundaries this will minimise arguments, explosions, and setbacks. If partners are respectful toward each other this promotes a sense of security and trust.
13. Do your best to act responsibly
Don’t get yourself into a state because things aren’t going the way you want. You also need to consider your partner’s opinion and let things go their way at times. Be flexible! There are people who sulk all day long just because they can’t have their way –that’s being childish. You’re grown-up, you are beautiful, and you have a good brain – so start acting like it and give your partner room to be the same. Don’t react to everything your partner does wrong – learn to overlook!
14. Be kind to each other
Kindness is almost magical – it works for almost anyone. It costs little to be kind to your partner but it’s priceless. When you’re kind, you won’t say or do hurtful things. Kindness is one of the signs of a heart that loves. Kindness to your partner – regardless of hurt or pain – shows that you still care and you really want to save your relationship. It will re-ignite the affection you have for one another and make it easy for you both to start all over again. So, don’t pass up the opportunity to show kindness in your relationship as this is one of the easiest ways to fix a relationship.
Kindness doesn’t have to be extravagant; it can be demonstrated easily. Leaving a love note for your partner on the kitchen table, bringing home flowers, complimenting them on their appearance or their personal qualities. All of these kind gestures can mean the world to someone who is busy and overwhelmed.
While we should never remain in a relationship that jeopardizes our physical and emotional well being, all relationships require real effort. We need not give up on our relationship, we should rather try our absolute best to make them work and find ways to fix a relationship. Use these fourteen ways to save your struggling relationship and reap the benefits.