Is there really a specific best age to get married? If so, when is that? Here at Trusty, we offer you all the relationship advice you need to know when the best time is to tie the knot.
“So, when are you getting married?” Ask any single person you know, and most of them will tell you that this is the most dreadful question that they fear. Society and culture tend to pressure single people to get married, that remaining single is almost considered a sin.
Some cultures dictate that the best age to get married is in your late 20s, while others encourage people to get married in their 30s. And when a person goes beyond this age without getting married, they are usually made to feel like they missed their moment.
On the other hand, some men and women prefer to wait until they feel mature and ready for marriage. These single people are not governed by society’s ideas on what age to get married to. Instead, they are guided by their feelings, only deciding to settle down when they feel most ready for marriage.
With all these different ideas and beliefs, how can you tell the best age to get married? This article discusses relationship experts’ advice on the best time to get married. Read on!
The Best Age to Get Married As Per the Goldilocks Theory
Getting married at a very young age is highly discouraged since it increases the likelihood of divorce. However, waiting for too long to get married is just as problematic as getting married at a young age.
Carrie Krawiec, a family and marriage therapist at Birmingham Maple Clinic in Troy, Michigan, says that “The ideal age to get married, with the least likelihood of divorce in the first five years, is 28 to 32.” This idea is what is commonly referred to as the Goldilocks Theory.
According to this theory, people aged between 28 and 32 are considered neither too young nor too old to get married. Instead, they are just at the ideal age to get married.
As Carrie Krawiec further explains, single people within this age range are old enough and clearly understand the difference between “puppy love” and real compatibility. Also, they are young enough to make healthy adjustments and changes in their lives easily.
The Best Age to Get Married is When Your Brain Stops Growing
Alicia Taverner, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, and the CEO of Rancho Counselling commented that “There is a certain maturity level that a person reaches where they will likely succeed in their marriage, and it usually happens after age 25.”
Yes, the best time to get married is after your brain has stopped growing. According to scientific research, the part of the brain that develops last is the frontal lobe. And the lobe can mature as late as age 25, sometimes even going up to 30 years of age.
As Alicia Taverner further adds, “In my practice, I see couples who are on the verge of divorce … they married before they found themselves and before they had the experiences that come with the “singledom” of your 20s.”
It is no wonder, then, that most life decisions made before 25 years tend to be problematic. Most teen and young marriages are usually doomed to fail. After all, these decisions are made with a brain that is neither fully developed nor able to reconcile ethical and moral behaviours accurately.
Kemie King, a relationship expert and the owner of P. A law firm, says, “The late 20s and early 30s are when people’s professional careers are coming into play and finances can be worked out. It’s the age where ‘love’ is less idealistic and people are a little more realistic about their expectations.”
Therefore, the best age to get married is when your brain is fully developed. It is highly recommended that you wait until you are past 25 before you can think of settling down. As per the Goldilocks theory, an age range of between 28 and 32 is an ideal age to get married because the brain is usually fully developed within this period.
Don’t Wait for Too Long
While relationship experts recommend that you do not rush to get married at a young age, this does not mean that you wait for too long either. Marriages that occur very late are usually just as problematic as those done at very young ages. Why so?
First, couples who are advanced in age, say 35 years and above, are usually very financially stable and secure. With each partner having a secure economic foundation, money problems tend to occur in the marriage.
Since arguments about money are significant divorce triggers, these marriages have a higher likelihood of failing. According to research conducted by the National Survey of Family Growth, before the age of 32, every additional year reduces the chance of divorce by 11%!
In other words, people who get married after their early 30s have a higher likelihood to divorce. Therefore, the best time to tie the knot is considered to be the age between your late 20s and your early 30s.
Is the Goldilocks Theory the Only Best Age to Get Married?
As discussed above, the Goldilocks theory encourages people to get married at the age of 28 to 32, when the brain is fully developed. However, does this mean that people who get married at a younger or older age are doomed to fail?
Absolutely not! Other than brain development, more factors determine if you are ready to get married. Certain young people married at a very young age, yet they have some of the world’s most successful marriages.
So, how else can you tell that you are old enough to tie the knot? The following are three signs that show that you are ready to get married and settled down, regardless of whether you are within the age range of 28 to 32 or not:
First Sign: You can Differentiate between Infatuation and Real Love
When two people are infatuated with each other, they ‘feel’ in love every single minute. However, these feelings are usually based on superficial attraction. Therefore, infatuation rarely lasts, most times leading to divorce if the couple had already tied the knot.
On the contrary, true love is very realistic. When people share genuine love, they have realistic expectations towards each other and accept their partner for who he or she is. Hence, true love usually lasts longer and leads to a happier marriage.
Therefore, before you can settle in marriage, ask yourself, “Can I tell the difference between true love and infatuation?” Examine yourself genuinely. If you realize that you are still in the infatuation stage, it would be best to allow yourself time to grow before getting into marriage.
Second Sign: You Want to Get Married for the Right Reasons
Why do you want to get married? Do you want to get married to boost your self-esteem and sense of security? Or will get married make you feel more free, accomplished, and successful in life?
It is essential that you first examine your primary motive for getting married. Some people get married for the wrong reasons. For example, some get married to get away from their parents, bypass restrictions on sex, or simply because of their peers’ pressure.
Remember that marriage is not the solution to your problems. It is not an escape hatch where you can get relief from your troubles. Marriage is a solemn commitment that involves both partners giving to each other and not just receiving.
Mary Jo Rapini, a relationship expert, says, “If you keep working on yourself, your marriage will stay fresh and vital … promise to take care of yourself so you will continue to age with grace and confidence by your partner’s side.”
As Mary Jo advises, you need to learn how to take care of yourself first. If you get into marriage just because you trust that your spouse will take care of you better, it will be like going on a path leading to great disappointment.
Therefore, if you are getting married hoping that your partner will fulfil you, rescue you, make you feel secure, or solve your problems, it would be best to wait until you have solved your problems yourself.
Third Sign: You are Ready to Give Up All the Benefits of Being Single
It is not a secret that being single has many benefits. You get to go on those first dates and experience those memorable first kisses. Also, you get to enjoy the freedom to make your own choices and decisions, among many other benefits associated with singleness.
So, are you ready to let go of all these benefits? How does it make you feel to know that you will no longer experience the thrill of the chase that single people feel? If you clearly understand these facts and are ready to let all of them go, then you might as well start planning your wedding as soon as possible.
Letting go of all these benefits is not easy. However, people ready for marriage understand that they will be committed to their partner for a lifetime. This loyalty and commitment give them the motivation to let go of all the aspects of singleness.
Especially if you haven’t had much experience dating, you should genuinely examine yourself and think if you are ready to let go of singleness. Take your time. Understand that by getting married, you will be saying goodbye to singleness, a significant stage of life.
When, after careful consideration, you realize that you are indeed ready to let go, you can then start thinking of marriage. And as you plan for the wedding, remember to remain loyal and committed to your spouse without feeling any regrets.
Did you recently meet the person you feel was specifically made for you? Or have you been dating for quite a while now and are even considering marriage? If so, you might be wondering when is the right time to get married.
The expert advice provided in this article can help you make the right choice on when to get married. Remember that the best time to get married, according to relationship experts, is when your brain has fully developed.
Since the brain usually develops fully at the age of 25 and above, you can consider getting married within the age range of 28 and 32. At this age, you can trust your ability to make wise decisions on life-changing choices, such as marriage.
However, you also need to remember one vital fact: maturity is not only determined by advancement in years. Some people still have great wisdom and a sense of responsibility even at a young age.
Therefore, if you feel ready for marriage, but are not within the age range of 28 to 32 years, consider the above-discussed three signs that show that you are prepared for marriage. If you tick ‘yes’ for all these three signs, then you can as well start sending wedding invitations right away!
If you are a married couple, how old were you when you got married? And if you were given a second chance, would you still marry at that age, or would you have waited longer? Please let me know in your comments below.