Is there anything more heartbreaking and disappointing than knowing that your partner no longer loves you? Yes, there is, and it’s realizing that they never loved you for the duration of your relationship. You think it could be wonderful if you knew the signs that your partner never loves you. When you suddenly realize that all the games, the false promises and lies they led you to believe you are on the way to experiencing a bitter-sweet reality. Bitter because your heart is shattered in a thousand different directions, and sweet because the deception is finally over, and now you’re wiser than you used to be.
After a short time or period of emotional healing, you discover you are not even mad at them anymore. Rather, you are disappointed with yourself for being naive, or not being discerning enough to see through them. Of course, while the experience would be extremely shocking and sad to you, to them it’s not a big deal, especially when they knew what they were doing all along.
Do you want to know how to recognize a false or deceitful partner? Are you tired of being let down? Here are seven signs to look out for so you can know if your partner is merely using you.
1. Reluctance to refuse requests.
If you are always reluctant to say no to your partner – especially when their request is a selfish one – then it is possible you are being used. Being treated like this is harmful to your emotional well-being and will affect other areas of your life. Also, if your partner enjoys your reluctance to say no, they are most likely manipulating you, also known as emotional blackmail. Maybe it’s because you don’t want to let them down that they guilt trip you into doing favours for them.
Healthy relationships require both partners to respect one another’s boundaries, but when your partner is constantly overstepping the mark it can make you feel uncomfortable. As a matter of fact, it is disrespectful if your partner always tugs on your heartstrings and pressures you to make decisions quickly according to their wishes. This puts you in a place where it’s hard to say no and is a sure sign that you’re being used.
2. Attitudes of uncertainty
If your partner’s attitudes make you have doubts about the future of your relationship – whether you are just seeing each other for a few months or you’ve been together for some years – but still can’t commit, you might be standing the chance of being used instead of loved. If your partner really loves you, then they should not be afraid of investing in the relationship.
If they give excuses like, ‘Let’s just see where this goes, okay?’ it means that they won’t commit and are in the relationship to get whatever they can from you. It is one of the clear signs that your partner never loves you. Do you really want to be with someone like that? Would you settle for a relationship where there’s no true commitment, transparency and honesty? You need to know you deserve to be someone’s first choice.
3. Inconsistency in the things that matter
When your partner is inconsistent with communication, fidelity and honesty and are not ready or willing to change, that should tell you that you are nothing more than a second option! In other words, they don’t think your relationship is worth much. Their inconsistencies throw you off repeatedly. Those who use others rarely stick to their word because they know you’ll keep coming back to them. It’s a classic trick and they won’t change especially because they see how much you are willing to tolerate their selfish behaviour.
When you finally break up and tell them you’ve had enough, then they apologize and tell you they’ll change and like the good-hearted person you are – you believe them. However, they pretend to change for a few days and then go back to being inconsistent and the same issues keep arising, or possibly things get worse.
4. When they act like a chameleon
They act differently behind the scenes and act differently when you’re together. Dr Susan Whitburn states that when someone loves you they boost your self-esteem and sense of identity, but when your partner is just using you they care more about their own selfish needs being met than they care about yours. When both of you go out in public, they might put on acts of kindness and tender affection toward you, because you’re more of a trophy to them than a lover. But when you’re without an audience [behind the scenes], you’ll start to get the impression that they never really cared about you. It is one of the sure sign that your partner never loves you are no more than a trophy to your accomplice.
It could also happen the other way round; they’re only affectionate with you in private because they don’t want others to think there’s anything serious between you. They want to keep you as a little secret and don’t want people – including their friends and family – to know you have a relationship together. If you’re in this type of situation, then you need to have a discussion with your partner and let them know just how you feel about the whole thing. If you know how to read their response, then you will know whether they are using you or not.
5. Having a phobia for intimate conversation
If they like to avoid having important conversations with you, you can be sure something is wrong and needs to be addressed. You can’t have love without letting your guard down, and if your partner refuses to be vulnerable with you it indicates that they’re keeping you at arm’s length and being secretive. If you find your partner has no problem being open with others but is not open with you, it doesn’t let you get close to them or develop an intimate relationship.
When people avoid quality conversations with their partners, it could be that they are trying to hide something or simply trying to avoid intimacy with their partner. It is one of the signs that your partner never loves you. It’s not necessarily about what you’re doing wrong or right; or whether you’re good enough or otherwise. If you’re putting your heart out but they keep shrugging off the intimate conversations, then you need to ask yourself some honest questions as to why. A good and promising relationship should include freedom to communicate deeply, to listen and to be heard, to be understood and cherished.
6. Having difficulties in making joint effort
If you are doing the majority of the work to keep the relationship going, but your partner is not, chances are high that they are not as in love with you as you think. No good relationship works that way! Balance is important for any relationship to thrive. When a relationship and the basic components needed for survival only come from one person [most of the time], it will put a lot of pressure on the other party.
Clinical Psychologist Dr. Patricia Pape states some guys are very slick they know how to groom women, they know how to manipulate their emotions and no matter how bright she is, she freezes and takes on all the shame the responsibility for what’s happening. But it doesn’t have to be that way! A healthy relationship must include a shared responsibility in everything. A spouse that always let their partner feel solely responsible – especially when things go wrong – is not loving and considerate!
7. Habitual sulking over issues
If your partner is in the habit of sulking every time they are unable to have their way with you or accomplish a selfish desire, this is another sign that you really are being used. There are many wonderful people who are subtly manipulated this way by their partners but are ignorant of the fact. Some are aware they are being used and not loved, but are afraid of leaving the relationship, thinking it difficult to find someone else. Sulking is a bad habit that you should not tolerate if you don’t want to be controlled or manipulated. It is one of that major signs that your partner never loves you.
If this is your situation, then you need to realize that you deserve more. There’s absolutely nothing to fear or doubt, if you feel you need to leave the relationship – after you have talked things over with your partner, carefully examine the relationship and weigh your options – then go ahead! You are going to find a better partner or a better partner will find you. You are not a doormat, neither are you a dishrag, so why tolerate it if your partner is treating you like one? By the way, who says you must remain in such a relationship?
Do you notice some of these signs in your relationship? If you do, I do not suggest that you break up first. You need to do is to do a thorough review with your partner, or with a trusted friend – and be honest with yourself as much as you can! If you can remedy all (or most of) the situation amicably and your partner is willing to change, that will be great!
Otherwise, you might want to consider having a break. You’re worth what you think is worth, and what you believe you deserve is what you’ll get. A relationship is designed for intimacy, companionship, and support. Vulnerability and openness to each other are expected. If these are lacking, it clearly indicates the signs that your partner never loves you.
So, do you think your partner is merely using you for their selfish motives? Maybe they are trying to gain something from being with you and give nothing in return. If you believe so, what will you do about it?
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