Hey, are you having problems in your relationship? Are you hoping to get the problems solved? How do you know if they can be or why do you think having a break-up is better? Relationships can sometimes be tricky, you know. They’re amazing when they are going well but if something bad happens it can be painful. If you’ve been with someone for a considerably long time, you can start to get stuck in a routine. You often wonder, what might be the signs to leave a relationship.
It is therefore necessary that you take a step back and look at your relationship truthfully. This might help you gain perspective. Of course, there is no perfect relationship – even the happiest of couples have arguments, disagreements, and temporary breakups, that’s life – but there is a time when you have to look at your relationship without rose-tinted glasses and see if those small problems are actually getting bigger and bigger.
12 signs that tell you when it’s time to leave a relationship
1. You’re unhappy most of the time.
We are designed to derive happiness, companionship, and satisfaction from all our relationships, whether with friends, family, or spouses. You should look forward to seeing your partner and enjoy spending time with them. Obviously, you can’t be consistently happy in a relationship because that’s not realistic, but you should feel supported, safe, and loved. If you start to feel consistently unhappy, maybe it’s time to ask yourself why?
Perhaps it’s you or maybe your partner. It’s good to understand why you’re feeling unhappy so you can either fix the problem or choose to leave. There is no shame in admitting that your relationship is not offering you the same support and contentment that it once was. And it is one of the major signs to leave a relationship.
2. You’re both headed in different directions.
Sometimes you can start a relationship without having a specific direction, but as you grow, you can change along the way and start to have a definite plan or direction that is different from your partner’s. Long term relationships can be amazing as you grow and change with your partner, but sometimes you can grow and change at a different rate. If you both are moving in different directions, it could be difficult to navigate a relationship.
Also, if you’re in a different place emotionally, you might not want the same things. In this case it’s best for both of you to separate amicably. It’s always a good thing to discuss what each of you wants from the relationship if you’re going to be serious about a partner but if growth has ceased between you, it’s probably time to think about counselling or splitting up.
3. Lack of moral or emotional support.
Relationships are all about supporting one another. You want to feel that your partner believes in what you’re doing. and is behind you one hundred percent. But if that support isn’t there, you can start to feel let down and unfulfilled. Emotional support is also important. If you’re not feeling that in a relationship, it can be damaging and affect your happiness. If you don’t feel like your partner is invested in you and is behind you all the way, then it might be time to consider having a conversation about your relationship with your partner and discovering why they are so unsupportive. It can often be due to jealousy, stress or self-absorption. Either way, can you live with it?
4. Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse.
All kinds of abuse are bad for a relationship – whether emotional, physical, sexual, or financial – and should not be tolerated. If your partner has a habit of abusing you in any way, then this is a clear sign you should leave. Abuse is very damaging, and the abuser would often try [to] convince you to stay in the relationship. If this is the case, you should leave for your own safety. It can be extremely difficult to leave an abusive relationship but there are hotlines available to contact should you need to. Remember, you’re not alone in this.
5. There is no trust in your relationship.
Every healthy and promising relationship must be built on the foundation of trust. The trust between you and your partner should be strong and unbroken. A relationship without trust could possibly lead to suspicion or jealousy. If you don’t trust your partner, you could work on it and try to rebuild it, because your future in the relationship depends on it.
It is possible that your partner repeatedly betrayed your trust – that is a sure sign that they don’t value you! If this episode repeats on a continuous basis then it is one of the sure signs to leave a relationship. There is no shame in admitting you can’t be with someone who no longer appreciates you. It’s very constructive to be frank with yourself. It’s all about what makes you happy and emotionally secure.
6. There is habitual deceit coming from your partner.
White lies are one thing, but deliberately deceiving your partner is a serious offense, but both are bad for a relationship that seeks to stand the test of time.
Like cheating, lies break trust. If your partner has lied to you about something significant or has continuously lied to you about several things, you should reconsider your relationship. Pathological liars are particularly harmful partners. Prolonged exposure to lies and gaslighting can make the sanest person turn crazy.
As psychotherapist Robert Weiss explains, “The most disturbing thing about gaslighting is that even emotionally healthy people are vulnerable. In part, this is because we naturally tend to defend, excuse, and overlook concerns about the behaviour of people to whom we are deeply attached. In larger part, it’s because gaslighting starts slowly and builds gradually over time. As the cheating or the addiction (or whatever else it is that the liar is trying to cover up) escalates, the fabrications also escalate.”
You must consider what kind of lies you can forgive and what lies are absolute deal breakers.
7. There is addiction
You are here to help your partner through a tough time in their life, it is part of your responsibility as a partner. However, addiction is cause enough to leave if your partner refuses to change or has consistently proven that they are incapable of getting better.
Psychotherapist Sharon Martin advises, “I know from my personal and professional experience that relationships can survive addiction and become healthy. But I also know that co-dependents often stick around long after the change is likely. Please remember that you didn’t cause your loved one’s addiction and you can’t fix it. It’s not about whether she loves you enough to quit or about what you did wrong or what else you can try. It is one of the signs to leave a relationship because, sometimes you need to save yourself before you go down with the sinking ship.”
8. They show no respect
Having respect for each other is an essential ingredient of a healthy relationship. Being continually disrespected is something you should never tolerate, especially from someone who professes to love and care for you. If someone doesn’t respect you, it means they don’t value you. It means every plan they make is all about their own selfish needs and not yours. How can you be with someone who doesn’t value your beliefs, emotions, and love? This is one of the clear signs to leave a relationship.
9. You are emotionally distant
While you can’t always be with your partner physically, there should always be an emotional connection between you both. Do you feel this is missing? Are you growing apart? Do you feel a significant amount of emotional distance from your partner, despite working through your issues? At some point, you must give up and admit that you’ve done what you could and call it quits. Sometimes couples just drift apart slowly and unconsciously and can’t seem to find what the real problem is. Miscommunication, resentment, and many more micro-problems can pile up without being properly addressed.
And they could all become the big elephant in the room.
According to psychologist and marriage counsellor Randi Gunther: “Perhaps these warning signs could have been addressed earlier and the relationship would still have had the vitality needed to reconfigure it. But many couples, with the best of effort and intentions, have been unable to stop themselves from destroying the love that was once there.
“If they have tried their best for as long as they were able, and still found themselves unable to triumph over their relationship heartbreaks, they must leave one another with respect and gratitude, and take the lessons learned as sacred bounty to use them in their next relationship.”
10. High demands but low gains.
Unrealistic expectations from you or partner are not good for your relationship. Are you expecting too much from each other, to the point that you’re obstructing each other’s life goals? People who are healthy and in loving relationships don’t make unnecessary demands that would hinder their partner’s growth and success.
As a matter of fact, relationships should nurture individual growth and happiness, not take away from it. If you notice that you keep losing out (for too long) in other important areas of life just to maintain the relationship, you might want to consider a healthy review!
11. Your folks don’t approve of your relationship
Lindsay Chrisler, a New York-based dating and relationships coach advises that you should take stock of how your trusted family members and friends feel about your relationship. “If nobody in the community supports your relationship, that’s a red flag,” she says. If the people who love and support you see that the person you’re in love with isn’t making you happy, it’s a good idea to listen to their opinions, according to Chrisler.
If you decide to push aside your friends’ and family’s concerns about your partner, it may be another sign that it’s time to let go of the relationship: “You’re starting to lie to your friends, you’re starting to lie to yourself,” says Chrisler. When you isolate yourself from your loved ones to avoid listening to their concerns, they’re probably right — the relationship probably isn’t healthy, she says.
12. You keep on taking a break
If you keep breaking up and making up, then you need to reassess your relationship. Perhaps each time you think things will get better the same old issues pop up. If you’re reliving the same fights, it could be a sign that there are some issues that you will never be able to overcome.
There must be a good reason why you’re having these break-ups, probably because you are emotionally tired and need to heal. There comes a time when you need to take an inventory just to see if anything has changed, and if your conclusion is negative, then walking away might be good!
Which of these signs have you noticed in your relationship? Do you feel this post is helpful in determining what your next line of action will be?
Let us know in the comments below.